Monday, March 19, 2012
Happy Birthday to me!
We all have birthdays. Some of us are more accepting of them than others. I'm usually okay with them, really, I am.
I'm convincing you, right?
The truth is the past few years of my early thirties have brought me a lot of clarity. I spent so much of my twenties wondering who I would become, worrying about the future and quite frankly, living a very self indulgent lifestyle.
My early thirties forced me to give up some of those self indulgent ways and much of that had to do with becoming a wife and mother. It was a hard transition but it was the best thing to ever happen to me. It required me to be a better person. There was no other option. I also put my career on hold, which tinkered with my confidence. But with each passing year, my confidence in that decision and as a mother grows. When I look back on my younger self, the transformation is really quite remarkable. Do any of you ever feel this way when you reflect on the last 5, 10, 15 years of your life?
There are other light-bulb moments of my early thirties such as learning to let go of things, like the unproductive and anxious thoughts that haunted my younger years. They were like poison to me.
And then there's wisdom. Precious, valuable wisdom. I still have a long way to go with this one but I'm recognizing that each year grants me a little bit more. I realize now that perfection is not reality and it's okay that I don't have all the answers. I'm learning to admit when I'm wrong, say I'm sorry and that changing my mind is not a sign of weakness.
And then there's that huge thing we women refer to as "doing it all." Yes, I've pondered over this one so many times. Is it possible? Is it necessary? My conclusion. Who cares? My thirties have been a time of just being. Being present, being happy and listening to myself. I've finally convinced myself it's okay to just be. That idea of proving myself is gone. Once I let go of self doubt and judgment, I found a happy and grateful heart capable of so much more than I ever imagined in my younger years.
I turn 35 today, just in case you were wondering. And yes, I still have a few self indulgent bones left in my body so I'll be spending the first half of the day doing "me" things and the later part of the day with the family hanging out at home. It's really a great place to be.